(Sun)Flower Boy

I looked up
expecting your dad
but I hit your eyes
instead

The blow
blasting our lusts
but I wasn't looking
for sex,
I am that conditioned one,
looking for trust
instead

So I left things be

I drove by later
you were
bringing out
the papers
not too sure
if you saw me too
but I sure as hell
noticed
that
sunflower shirt and
your new, hippie,
hairdo

After that,
I googled
the fuck out of you

But I left things be

I assume
you might
be thinking
that my best friend
was my man
when I saw
you
watching me
yesterday
standing alone
drinking
at the party
we coincidentally
were both
attending

I'd like to think
it was for me
you stayed
when I could
no longer
see
your friends

I'd like to think
your eyes
were zooming in
on my dancing
instead of
anyone else's

Fact does remain
you're young
and I'm too done
with the pain
of trying to
beat the odds
hallucinating on the
mainstream poison
making believe
that
kings and dreams
are the outcome of
underdogs

I did not even
dare to look at you
just to see
if you remembered
the girl from
two years ago

The girl whose
irises
made you trip
into
cardboard boxes

and
also because
I converted
to celibacy

So I left things be

Just sitting here
now
doing everything
to try
to not
think about...
to engage
in a
distract spree...
because I just read
that
when two people
have the same idea
it's dangerously
accelerating
the risk
of it
being catapulted
into reality

MotherHustler

Celibacy

You know me
always full of
crazy ideas
but thank you
for pointing out
the idiocy
is on them
and not
on me

After all men
said
and or
done
my intent
is entirely
gone

There is
and never
was
this missing
piece
glad to inform you
that the hazy hunt
has
finally ceased

Love is not
to be
searched for
nor
can it
be found
I have harboured
myself in celibacy
Making me feel,
for once,
substantially safe
and so
deliriously
sound

MotherHustler