Choose someone who chooses you

Every morning I start my day scrolling my Insta feed full of grand quotes and kind reminders, listening to Abraham Hicks preaching in the background.  

By times though, I stumble upon a quote of which I notice that, however representful of my previous mindset, it doesn't serve me any longer. 

Like this morning, when I was scrolling by a citation of Risingwoman.  

There's obviously no ‘one quote suits all’ with everybody being different, thinking different, walking a different path, having different experiences, … and so the one posted today:  'choose someone who chooses you'... didn't fully resonate with me.   

I used to be in a relationship with this amazing guy.  Like REALLY amazing. 

He kind…, he loving…, he caring…, he compassionate…, he like really, absolutely, legitimately incredible.  (Well... maybe not thát caring and incredible after all, but still, you get my drift.)   

I was so fiercely in love with him in the beginning, as he made me believe he lived by exactly the same values and morals as me.   

Not long after though, I saw him acting completely out of tune with the statements he made when we first met.  
This hurt me so bad, like really shredding my heart to pieces, that I was tremendously furious with him.  (Anger is nothing more than translated grieve.)

I was soooo angry with him that I could've dragged him through a field of nettles in his birthday suit or that I could've thrown him down a (marble) staircase with handcuffs on.  (You know, the usual.)

You see, from my instructed perspective, people who enter a relationship have to comply with all its institutional standards.  
They have to act like they have never been hurt before.
Like they have never built any coping mechanisms which kept them alive through the hardest psychological/physical challenges of people they trusted (which they obviously cannot unlearn a few weeks into dating you.  Hell, most people aren’t even aware they created and are acting on these self made constructions, anyway).

We all expect each other to behave according to all standard beliefs and instructions that were forced upon us by the words and behaviour of people who were hurt and disillusioned themselves. 

So when this tormented soul caused me this unbelievable pain by not living up to my expectations I forgot all about his beauty and ended up hating him.  In my opinion back than: I chose him and he didn't chose me back.  

Therefore, I blocked him, deleted every tangible memory of him, ignored every attempt of contact from his side...

Thank you, next.   

   

Fastforwarding to relentless Abrahahm Hicks listening, intense shadow work, mindful yoga, deep soul searching and spiritual expansion later, let me share this with you:

If you find yourself in a situation where you have chosen someone who hasn’t chosen you back, take your time to let it sink in and to lovingly remove yourself from the relation you have with that person.  

It is, never was and never will be, a waste of time as Risingwoman puts it. 

Never.

Ever.

Honour the experience and see it for what it is/was: a magnificent chance to gain essential insights, an amazing opportunity to win inner strength, a once in a lifetime possibility to grow as a motherfucker.   

Honour the people who did not choose you and see them for what they really are/were: your greatest teachers as your interaction with them is/was of great educational value showing you through contrast the behavioral/personality traits you really long for in a lover, in a committed relationship. 

Ask yourself how the behaviour of the other effected you the way that it did and why it did that to you.   
Ask yourself upon witnessing your pain, which parts of you are breaking and love yourself enough to figure out why that is and than lovingly tend to it.

Don’t fill your vibe with anger and resentment like I did and please do not forget to see the most beautiful things they gave you as well.  

You go get your head out of Self Pity Station and get your ass moving to build them the most exuberant shrine like EVAH! (I'm talking sizes twice the Taj Mahal here, people!)

This right here, is real strength, amigos! You taking your power back and not letting external people and/or situations mess with you vibin' (on the contrary, you changing those experencies into opportunities to reach mental Nirvana) is something extraordinary powerful!

When you decide to see the best in a person/situation, you will attract the best in other people/situations.  

Don’t block everything you are worthy of by an invisible wall of anger and/or negativity. 

Shower yourself with the awareness of all beauty and love that's constantly manifesting in front of you and clear those glass ceilings that keep you from receiving all you want and deserve.  

Now, as for a partner you would like to experience the rest of your life with:  

I can not agree with Risingwoman more.

People can say all they want but that love is a choice is not and will never be negotiable.

It's a conscious choice to dedicate yourself to respect and honour your loved one.

To respect and honour yourself.
To appreciate and accept each other's individualities and differences.
To devote yourself to figure out conflicts in a loving and honourable way.
To say 'yes' to being the person you wish you have around to share everyday lifethingies with.
To engage yourself to being the faithful and loyal rock for your most precious one, as it is you yourself that has always wished upon having that same rock in yóur life. (Something with being the change you want to see in others, you know.)

To decide to stick with it even when things get shit-smashing-into-the-fan-covering-the-whole-wide-room-in-feces-and-unbearable-smell hard.

Real and truthful love is something that is built.  Something that can only be created over time. 
Time of getting to know and to having experienced the whole spectrum of your partner’s personality.

Time of personal and mutual challenges that you have experienced and have overcome together.  

Sincere love is there where there’s total and unconditional acceptance of each other.

True love is there where reverence reigns. 

Real love is choosing for someone.  Deliberately making the choice to dedicate yourself for ever and beyond to be the best person you can be for your significant other and to try to abstain from everything that you know is perceived as hurtful by her (or him), every single second of every single day again and again and again.

A trial and error process, yes, but because of that even more so an amazingly pain and gain one.

Therefore, I kindly invite you, if your're going for eternal, do choose someone who chooses you. 

x