Free At Last

Do any of you guys relate to mourning a person way after you ended your relationship with them? 

I mean, my last relationship ended in June and every single second of every single day after that, I was still thinking of him.

In a weird kind of way, it even felt like we were still together as he was still running through my mind and paddling through my veins (with a big, fluorescent yellow, kayak).

Obviously, I wasn't aware of this until the other day, when my friend asked me if I'd met another object of affection yet.

This question made it dawn on me that I grew to be allergic to all new male contact as I felt there was no vacancy for any other guy in my heart nor my soul.  

Time for me to let go.  

I went from my heart to my mind and I imagined him sitting in front of me.  I told him that he was no longer wanted nor needed, that it was time for me to move on, that his leave of absence was long due.   

I cried.

My stomach ached. 

My heart died.

For the first time I actually grieved the loss of a person who simultaneously was my lover, friend and nail in my coffin.  (Not necessarily in that order.)

Going hysterical by the thought of not going to feel rejected again and again and again, anymore. 

It broke my heart but opened it at the same time.  

I'm free now.  Mother God Almighty, I'm free at last.

So what else to do with all this freedom than hitting Tinder? After all, is there any better way to get over the hurt caused by a cheater than by demolishing your selfworth by a 'ghoster' online? 

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