I don't know about you all, but for me, going to work every day and to single handedly take care of two kiddo's who are like 4 going on 14 and 6 going on 26, is like sheer exhaustion to me.
Might have said this before but my days are spent looking like Morticia dressed as Beetlejuice and chanelling the leftover crums of my energy towards the abstenance of highly craved Vodka Xanax cocktails.
Thought the other day to give myself a break and to go to an indoor playground with the kids this time. Me sipping on a trillion of coffees whilst my little treasures break down the premises and nót our house for a change... Life could be worse.
Fact is that I'm a highly sensitive empath so after 4 hours being around all those other screeching, fighting and howling kids (of doom) I was totally worn down by the time my daughter asked me to go on the slide with her.
Impossible to refuse those pleading brown puppy eyes (I tell you, it's easier to refuse Jack The Ripper to kill you than to deny those sweet yearning eyes) I dragged my Morticia/Beetlejuice ass behind her and went up the stairs to the slide ignoring the sign that said you have to take your shoes off coz' I was just. Too. Damn. Tired.
Kind of awkward being the only adult going on a slide for 4 year olds but surely I'd be on and off that thing in no time so no actual other adult there would be able to see and/or ridicule me.
Now, you can take that 'in no time' quite literally as my daughter and I were going off it like an effing Usain Bolt on tracks. In order to not flip over the poor kid in front of us, I had to slow down FAST, so Miss Congeniality over here couldn't think of anything better to do than bending her knee sideways to put one foot on the side of the slide.
Because of the fact I'd kept my shoes on my foot wasn't moving at all from the side so my thigh bone dived straight under my stagnant knee bone, making a crack I still hear in my nightmares to this day. When my foot finally loosened I found myself at the end of the slide, almost fainting for 10 minutes from the excrutiating pain whilst in the meantime suffocating from all the hugs and kisses of the sweetest little ones who wanted to make me feel better.
Small detail: by now ALL adults had noticed me.
Other small detail: with ány other shoe my foot would've probably slid down together with the rest of my body and I would've ended up just fine but noooooooooooooooo, no ma'm, I réally needed to wear my VANS that day, you know, THE shoe renowned for its waffle outsoles made of a rubber for extreme grip and support. Read: EXTREME GRIP and support.
I don't remember too much of what happened afterwards but I ended up at the ER with what turned out to be a ripped lateral collateral ligament.
Now I have to rest, rest, rest and rest, a luxury only reserved for the childless, the lottery winners and the dead, so my knee does not seem to cure all that well....
And thus, chances are that in ten years from now, I'll go on a hike, taking it slow because of the knee injury I once suffered.
My fellow hikers will ask me: 'Oh, a knee injury, that's too bad, how did it happen?'
Me (casually): 'Oh, you know, because of an incident I once had on a slide at an indoor playground.'
Them: 'Oh, that's a shame! How old were you when it happened? Like six?
Me (dying): 'No, thÃrty six.'
That's all folks!
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